thankful

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watch a bird, eat a bird, do what you must. just be thankful. i sure am.

see you in a few days…

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ice skating

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went impromptu ice skating at the new midtown outdoor rink saturday night, but i was too scared to try. clyde did great. he was brave, and it sure was pretty. i hope the fear (mostly of being wet and cold) subsides if we go again. i hate to be such a bore.

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one flew

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lift-off

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goodies

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this joy+ride autumn coffee offering + san francisco postcards from me and shari on sale this morning. don’t miss out the goodies!

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exhale

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you picked me

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blue shines through

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oh, golden

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larger

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afterward

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fly, be free

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fall-ing

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underneath

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i could take a thousand photos just like these.

i am moving underneath. like i’m in a boat. like floating. looking up, following the blackened silhouette of branches, as they spread into the turning-golden leaves. just passing through autumn. the moving and the breathing. the studying and the changing light. the sunlight twinkles that stop my heart.

i could take a thousand photos just like these. and i might.

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hb to me

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woohoo! i love my birthday.

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flying squirrel

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darth

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gifts

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today i was running up the stairs to the doctor’s office and out the second story window… hello, bird friends!

they were flying in the wind right alongside. it felt rhythmic. in time. precise. one of those moments where you’re right where you’re supposed to be and you actually stop and feel it (and take its picture).

i love that.

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cedar waxwings

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as i mentioned yesterday, the other morning, i was hard at work at my desk, which looks out into my small backyard. suddenly i saw a fast rush of birds. like birds everywhere flitting about. i grabbed my camera and started clicking away, sure i was capturing some kind of usual sparrow and finch frenzy.

once i was able to focus, i saw the band of cedar waxwings. a whole pretty flock. they were here just a minute and then off they went.

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yellow beard

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frenzy. in my head. the busy = the frenzy.

but while i workworkwork, i’m trying to enjoy the autumn bird frenzy. yesterday, within a 30-minute period, i saw the following in my backyard:

flicker waxwings sparrows mocking juncos finches starlings jay phoebe warbler (aka yellow beard)

total dreaminess.

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bulbs

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jack o’ lanterns

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i’m historically bad at ever getting around to making holiday crafts — for the house or with the kids. but already this year, i have assisted in the making of bats for our front porch AND these cut-out jack o’lanterns in the boys’ window. i am so proud of myself.

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nice day

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yellow tips

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it’s happening now. right before my eyes. autumn.

don’t miss: issue #26 of this joy+ride with autumnal photos from artist + photographer jen korff *sigh*

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white kitchen

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mini kitchen makeover still underway. most the white is done, save a few cupboard doors and the baseboards. painted my mom’s old drop-leaf table teal green. dad put glass in the doors of the two cupboards where we stack our white dishes, and we painted the backdrop and the kid’s (and my) little step stool the same teal green. still have to paint the pantry/laundry room and get the floors steam cleaned.

ed wants to get ikea shelves for this wall and put his coffee wares (and my tea wares) on it. i want to frame this vintage floral placemat i’ve been holding onto for years in one of the old frames my mom found in aunt ede’s attic. it’s been down in our basement. i got a cute retro-looking faux wood radio for $15 off ebay. it’s not here yet.

we unloaded at least six bags of kitchen crap from our cupboards. unfortunately that’s enough to *almost* warrant a garage sale over a donation. we’ll see…

playing house is fun. maybe that’s why we’re drawing this out so long.

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knee sock pile

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autumn, delivered

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the starlings

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shiny iridescent starlings sail out into the sunny blue sky.

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fall taking its time

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paint it white

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we’re painting the kitchen white. i like.

also, a little photo + guest short short story from me on little alouette today. thanks, amy.

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bluebirds

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last night i saw a flock of bluebirds (bluebirds!) gliding across the soccer field. what am i cinderella?

we have no bluebirds here. at least i never see them.

and they were so friendly, coming close and stopping in to stare. maybe they are here for the transition. just going with the flow. something i aim to to every day. go with the flow. stop fighting and go.

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at night

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there are so many things that cross my mind in the last hours of each night. mostly worry (but good worry), a lot of gratitude, some longing, always some longing, and the letting in the tired…

i try to get it through my thick skull that along with the good (weather) comes the not great (early darkness). i try to believe the universe has its reasons, even if i don’t understand them. when the heat finally (good god finally!) departs, i am filled with energy, and the shorter autumn evenings mean our nightly walks fall away. i love our nightly walks. i always miss them. sometimes we take them anyway. but mostly darkness rules and we cozy up inside. the kids seem to respond well to the darkness, falling tired after a short bit of reading. my mind and body restless. not matching up with the universe’s plan.

but i’m trying to match up. trying to take walks during the day. trying to enjoy the solitude of those bright and sunny walks even though i miss the squawky chaotic walks with my boys at nightfall.

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bits of orange

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climb

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a boy’s life

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leo is going through bit of an “emotional pistol” period. not listening. running away. waking up mad. going to bed mad. hitting, kicking, biting, spitting. basically stomping around a good deal of the time mad at all of us and at the world.

oh, leo.

i need someone to remind me that this is just a stage and not who he will be and what he (and we) will face forever. cause that’s what it feels like. i mean, i know some of it is innate personality stuff; however, i hope it won’t be like this always. i just want him to be happy. for more than five minutes.

it’s the almost-three thing, where they’re trying to make their claim on their own life. they hate being told what to do. they want to make their own plans. and sadly, it seems, we don’t have a lot of extra time to let him make his own plans. his own life.

almost-three sucks. for him and us. i’ve got to find space for him to make some life of his own.

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flora grubb

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amazing vertical garden of succulents at flora grubb gardens (a couple more shots here); also sweet friends and ritual coffee

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friend

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my faraway friend shari, donuts, coffee, and cameras. what could be better? honestly…

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shades of violet

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taken along the high line. so nice.

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open windows

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blue a/c

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been thinking a lot about my mini trip to NYC. it’s amazing to be alone. to meander. walk aimlessly. the nights are best. the sound of my sandals on the pavement going nowhere really. lovely to dine with friends. eat good food (pastis, magnolia, shake shack, prune). fun, even, to cry my eyes out alone among hundreds in a small theatre.

billy elliot is still one of my favorite stories. it makes me want to be a better parent. a reminder to be open to your child’s extraordinary-ness, even if it’s not extraordinary in a way you understand or hoped.

now i’m gearing up to meet my friend shari and her sweetie tom for the very first time in real life. i’m giddy with excitement. there will be much eating. and picture taking. and shopping. and enjoying.

(more photos on flickr)

have a beautiful weekend. one without need for a/c, i hope.

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home from nyc

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i love going. for a few days, one day, a minute. i love it so. more photos to come.

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autumn calling

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every day now, several visits from black phoebe. my signal for autumn, year after year.

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amber waves

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not to state the obvious or anything, but no writing is getting done here. planning for TWO fun little trips in the next week (you know, cause “everything at once!!!” seems to be the name of the game). workworkwork has to get done. and all that everything else stuff too.

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baby love

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sunset

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drove out last night to see the blooming field of sunflowers and to look for my wowls. saw the yellow-faced field of love, gasped, watched the fat orange sun set, and there were no owls in sight. of course, i’ll take what i can get when the gettin’s this good.

last day on habit today. it was so much fun. thank you, molly and emily. here are my contributions over the past month in case you missed them:

• leo’s haircut (7.29)
  
• office madness (7.31)
• laundry basket (8.3)
• house sparrow (8.5)
• emily’s painting (8.7)
• the bath (8.10)
• blackbirds rising (8.13)
• hummingbird, still (8.18)
• grandma’s quilt (8.20)
• tricycle (8.26)
  
• sleep in (8.30)
  
• sunflowers (9.2)

dear friends, see you on the other side of the mighty long weekend. ahhhhh.

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sleep in

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sleeping in is so unbelievable. even for a little while. i really needed to have those intense surface dreams and drool all over my (friend’s) pillow. sorry, pillow and friend. :)

had a lovely and delicious weekend in oakland with two girlfriends. visited my great auntie on the way home. love her. we talked about the importance of simplicity and laughed.

hope your weekend was lovely too.

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lacy

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goodbye window

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just try to say goodbye to this little face. just try. and i was only going out for an hour. i must have insides made of steel.

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new bit on habit today:

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train

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inbox

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oh, how i wish the things i’d find in my email inbox every day were sweet symphonies. small, delicious feasts. poems from inside the light of an endless bright star. golden-toned photographs of a 90-year old man pouring his daily cuppa tea. why can’t my box be stuffed with a thousand or more songs that leap, some shining stars, a little knowledge, tiny stories, light bouncing out of the glistening cup? why can’t there be magic when i click open?

i don’t want to buy or sell your things. i want to know where your soul has been.

state fair

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unapologetic weekend

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didn’t go online much all weekend. no apologies. no worries. no work! food, food, and friends. pure bliss.

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be brave

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i want to actively participate in joy. so what if i do? what if i change something inside me? what if i do everything i can to seek and indulge in joy. what if i let the rest go? what if i do? i want to be brave. so let me. let me.

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close your eyes

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“he’s always closing his eyes. like it hurts to look at things.” — angela chase about jordan catalano, my so-called life

i’ve been rewatching my so-called life on hulu. as usual with my favorite series, i can’t stop. and god, it’s good. and why do i still think claire danes’ hair is perfect. why hasn’t that changed?

what’s also strange is that i now relate to the angela’s mother as much as angela, if not more. i watched this show in my 20s. i was nobody’s mother back then. it’s strange to think about it now. i can’t even remember. not really.

i don’t really think about my 20s much lately. having kids sort of forces you to look at your own childhood a lot more. and now, i’m growing more and more obsessed with thinking about teenhood. preparation, i suppose. and, of course, i continue to think about the present or the recent past-present: the motherhood years.

what i find when i watch angela’s mother is that she is stuck — between wanting to be in control and set all the right boundaries and wanting to be an open-minded, helpful mom. but the two things get in the way of each other. she’s simultaneously overly rigid and dying to let everything go. but she’s always ready for the next axe to fall. and as a result, she sort of has an uncomfortable stick up her arse. i feel like that too. all of that. especially the stick. ouch.

i can’t seem to find the balance of being open to the goings-on of daily life and simultaneously open to letting it all flow on its own terms. and kids, well, every day they happen. just the way they are. and (as angela chase reminds me) what they are feeling and seeing and believing is just as critical as what i feel and see and believe. i know this. so why do i feel myself constantly forcing the steering, veering off my own road onto theirs, forgetting about my own road. and then the over-braking and the gunning it back up to speed and back again. back on the right path. for a moment at least. most days, it is not a smooth drive.

i fantasize about being the kind of mom who sits (perhaps in a rocker with knitting needles and a VERY long scarf???!) and wisely doles out the kind of advice you want to live by. the kind of stories that open eyes and bend minds and set children free in their own right.

but then life happens, and i swerve all around in it.

have you ever noticed in that video game pole position (stay with me here) that if you barely move the steering wheel and just let all the cars and catastrophes and turns and roadblocks and oil slicks and collisions and lovely green scenery pass you by. if you just focus on the mountains in the distance and hold her steady that you get a lot farther. but for some reason, that game makes me wanna react and steer wildly and crash and burn.

i’ve always wondered if it would serve me better to just close my eyes and cruise the whole damn way to the finish line.

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ibis

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don’t miss photos from my friend tracey clark in the new issue of this joy+ride:

new photo + words on habit too:

plus, new photos from my clyde:

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bird drunk

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mid-august

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eggs on toast

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nothing

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i woke up today begging for some words. some words to put down here to describe what’s inside. or outside. some transformation. some disappearance. a heartfelt realization. something.

i mean, after all, isn’t a writer always writing or getting ready to write? well, no. not really.

sometimes we’re just getting up and combing our kids’ hair and drinking decaf coffee cause we can’t handle regular anymore and eating a bowl of granola and yogurt and sitting, searching aimlessly for some moment to study and dissect. for some cloudy point of inspiration to spread out clearly before us, in words on the page.

or sometimes, there’s just nothing to say. truly. and sometimes we should listen when there’s nothing and say nothing.

but often times, we just go on and on about things anyway, regardless if those things are nothing, because we’re told to push through the nothing. but they’re still nothing. and other times, they…are…everything…

but folks, this is not one of those times when nothing turns into everything right before your eyes. no, not today. not today.

photo + words on habit today:

carwash

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check out leo’s eyes in the first shot.

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turquoise daydream

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we could live upstairs; sell + serve coffee down below. daydream with me.

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raveled

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the beat

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this morning, i was looking out my back windows. the morning was golden beautiful and bright. and then i looked down, and i could actually see the subtle vibration of my heart beating softly in my chest. at first i thought i might want to cut down on the decaf too. or that it meant i was probably about to die.

and then i realized something else…it means i am alive. good god, i am simply alive. and it is so nice.

other things that make me feel alive:

• a new toothbrush
• watching dancers
• walking through the dark house and hearing my boys talk in their sleep
• looking out into the black night and seeing a plane twinkling across the sky
• having plans
• my summer soundtrack
• watching birds

have a happy weekend.

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growth

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i can feel the changes coming. not the seasons. i know there’s lots more hot to come.

but it’s the boys. they are growing and changing so fast. seems faster than ever. i see a little more of who they’re becoming. it is exhilarating. the days of merely propping them up or bouncing them, feeding them, and keeping them dry are over, and a new kind of work begins.

it’s the guiding. the being present. the modeling. the sitting still. the letting be. all those hard things. can i do this right? and well?

…when it feels i am still learning, growing, and changing at light speed myself?

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finito

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bats almighty

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the bats are at it again. in early july, this maternal colony (all females) reproduces, more than doubling in size  to about 200,000 – 250,000 bats.

at nightfall, they spill out by the hundreds, funneling off into the sky, disappearing into evening. it’s quite beautiful

new photo + words on habit today.

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american gothic

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art institute of chicago

new momnivore’s dilemma column in edible sac.

new photo + words on habit.

august inspiration on this joy+ride:

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nutter butters

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photos from our dinner at the bristol in chicago. so delicious. you’ll see what was left of our cheese plate (not much) and the housemade nutter butters served with chocolate sabayon, which were so good that i wanted to cry a little.

hope your weekend is nice. i might have to post a few more pics over the weekend. and then i swear, the writing is going to be more and hopefully better. it is time.

excited about the lovely list.

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wannabe monet

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art institute of chicago

come see me (and what ed did to leo’s hair!) on habit this month, all month long (love love love habit!).

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him + me

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millennium park, chicago, IL

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oh, audience

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blogher 09 was fun and surreal at times. the community keynote reading, in which i read my post “amends,” went very well, mostly because i felt surrounded by a bunch of incredible writers and, well, would you look at that audience? so nice they were.

the secondary burst of applause backstage after each reading didn’t hurt either.

or the standing ovation.

or the valerian root.

during the other parts of the conference, mostly i just floated and wandered on the outskirts, hung out with my two fun work pals, and dined in the eves with ed. when alone in the midst of it all, there were fidgety bursts of anxiety, a few momentary dashes of bravery where i said (and you won’t believe this!)…hello, i’m sheri, and some inspiration (divine and earthly) that is still bleeding out my edges.

highlights:

• dinner with friends at feast
• the soft, deep hotel bed
• the community keynote reading
• coffee-braised pork ribs at avec
• warm walk in the rain after dinner
• the storytelling session with amy and neil
• housemade nutter butters with chocolate sabayon (puddin’) at bristol
• shutter sisters party (nice friends and fireworks going off out the window)
• ducking out of the cheeseburgher party (my sobriety in tact…barely!)
• birds, flowers, and bunnies in millennium park
• the cy twombly “natural world” exhibit at the art institute of chicago
• and whatever crazy luck got us to our plane, after our alarm didn’t go off, with five minutes to spare before takeoff (pant, pant, sweat! phew…)

i’ll probably share more photos from chicago this week.

going now

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signing off for a week or so. off to blogher real soon! nervous about the big reading on friday {chews nails} but so ready! will put up the post i’m reading and maybe even a video of the reading afterward. and, of course, i’m sure i’ll be tweeting a lot. have a great week, my friends. wish me luck.

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summer roast

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happy birthday, dear. i love you so. xoxo

(ed roasting up some of this)

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i love you, a/c

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softly now

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you keep going

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i am thinking about:

• tonight’s dinner with my best friend
• how maybe heat makes us poor
• feist + wilco
• tommy gavin
• ice cream
• time away
• the audience
• the being there
• the being here
• being

i love this post: you keep going (thanks, shari)

wooden spoons

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muumuus

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i totally, totally *get* the muu muu

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don’t miss: this joy+ride issue #21 with jen causey

or the summer coffee + postcards offering:

notice me

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robin

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last night, just home from our walk, i looked up and saw a robin torpedo across the twilight sky like a fiery orange comet.

i wish i could lift up my hand up and point him out to you. so you could see him too. he blazed by so fast, wings tucked in a high-speed dash to the finish. so fast and yet the image hangs sharp and ripe in my mind, like a slow, stark memory that’s burned into me forever.

swimmers

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wide awake

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blue hydrangeas

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my neighbor’s blues are the prettiest

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smarty in pink

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my smart, pretty-in-pink niece; girls have become a mystery to me

new addition to the tea project:

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after a sit

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maybe i’ll go clean that floor now (eww!). nah…

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hello, july

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after a full week and two days in which someone in this household was ailing with a very vicious stomach flu, i grasped greedily at the past three long and healthy summer days. good health is everything.

the mild warm weather. the summer fruits. ice cream. reading. fourth of july. cousins. barbecues. swim and water fun. backyard dinners. some house organizing and tiny projects completed. taking the photo of a big yellow butterfly on the butterfly bush that’s exactly the same as one i took last year on the very same day. the brown tan lines darkening across the boys’ lower backs. despite the SPF, they’re getting “brown as berries,” like my grandma used to say.

yes, all that in just a few short well-lived days. gentle reminders of the circle and also reminders that the days are passing right on by, with or without us. hoping to stay in play for the rest of this good summer.

summer dinner

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calm thy waters

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i have been a bit of a tsunami this week.

hb to my BFF today. love you, k.

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ice cream sandwiches

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recognition

Recognition
by Diana O’Hehir

The exact taste of happiness, tangy, somewhere between loquat
and pear, why don’t
We ever know it when we meet it?
No one says, Here’s happiness’ weather,
Planes overhead like white paint.

Three years from now or seven years we’ll
Look at a photograph, the people small, communal as gnats, the
house reduced
In sunshine, no ghost yet
Over anyone’s shoulder, no stranger riding up with a message
from the Tribunal,
Knocking all the ice plant off the slope
In his climb to our living room.

And we’ll say: happiness
Wasn’t round or square.
It never named itself, was a series of negatives:
You were not inconstant, not sleepless;
I was not
Counting things.

via Persimmon Tree
From Spells for Not Dying Again
Eastern Washington University Press
Copyright © 1996
All rights reserved.

lessons

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don’t miss: this joy+ride issue #20 with brian ferry

sunflowers so fast

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days go by

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out of sight

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small world

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evening colors

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feeling the need

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right here where i’m at

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yellow + wild + free

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blue-grey

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rooftop party

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:: i often feel loneliest in the middle of a party

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quench

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takin’ on june

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places to go

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yellow garage door

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strikes

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big oak

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where i slept

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nyc

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:: reflections on my super quick trip to nyc

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so little time

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:: had a great weekend; now off to nyc for a few days; brb

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bottlebrush

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:: almost two years ago (i think i like my photos back then better)

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pinks on gray

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tree-lined

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i get around

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:: writing full-time for CafeMom now; come and see me sometime

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take that!

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:: is there a better way to take on this busy life? if so, let me know.

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sir hums a lot

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sunday goldy sunday

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the sidewalk taken

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[best caption wins this spot]

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:: what’s this little guy gotta get off his chest? let the caption writing begin!

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evening walk

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backyard

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JOY!

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:: i’m going to (re)find JOY this month! you comin’?

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sunlit

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:: the buggies, they glow and flit, are sunlit

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hideaway

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:: what’s in yours?

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life is good

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hello, yellow

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:: and hello to you too, little blackbird

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nice day

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:: futzed (awfully) with polaroids. then clyde pops in + effortlessly takes this pretty.
:: may your weekend be this easy.

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pelican swirl

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:: yesterday, a flock of pelicans circled over and blocked out the sun.
:: and then they swirled away like tiny paper airplanes. more.

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h’s garden

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:: i’m in love with my friend H’s garden

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ice cream cone

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quilt on the grass

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:: spent almost all sunday on this quilt with the boys

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spring so fast

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:: spring’s going by too fast; supposed to be 88 degrees by sunday

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like luck, like a star

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:: shooting daisies = happy

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elm seeds

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:: issue fifteen: this joy+ride, springtime with rinne allen

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always around easter

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:: the cala lilies spring up in the side yard

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rainy days

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:: but dang my roses look good

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$4 to get home

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april’s green

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poppies

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dynamo

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:: blurry but i think you get the idea: dynamo and four barrel

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takin’ off

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:: takin’ off for a few days. have a good weekend.

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stop-the-car-now dogwood

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beneath the bunny

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:: issue fourteen, with drawings from stephanie dennis!

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green in golden light

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arnold palmer invitational

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:: come over. drinkin’ these on the porch in the sun.

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white flight

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hotel room

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new growth

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spring storm

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:: spring coffee offering + hand crafted coffee scoops made by my dear dad

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shine on me

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blue-paned window

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daylight savings

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eight pretty winners

these eight friends won free pretties:

1. natty • fog, like snow
2. elizabeth fleming • bird school bus
3. rosa • skyscape
4. melissa • at rest
5. pretty little world • happy 38
6. cyn • yellow sweetie
7. dutchgirl • wowl
8. georgia • sweet peace

if you won, write me with your snail mail addresses, and i’ll mail your pretties off.

thanks again for visiting.

happy spring!

this joy+ride: issue #13 with stephanie congdon barnes. happy spring!

giddy

:: hope your monday is giddy like this

two years ago

:: two years ago, i started this pretty blog
:: (this is a favorite from those first months)

:: i also still love these:

• he makes me coffee every morning
  
• orange cup
• dropping bottlebrush
• unmade bed
  
• teal-o-holic

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eight free prints

who: you, pretty-picture-loving friends

what: eight FREE pretty prints (win a FREE 5×5 square print)

available prints:

1. bird school bus
2. at rest
3. sweet peace
4. happy 38
5. fog, like snow
6. wowl
7. yellow sweetie
8. skyscape

when: leave a comment right here by sunday, march 15, 2009, 9pm (PST)

make a request, if you like. i’ll do my best to get you that one,
favoring winner order.

where: right here. on this post.

how: using the pick-a-number-out-of-a-hat method. the boys will pick
eight winners, and i’ll announce them here, like before. make sure to
leave an email address where i can reach you.

good luck. and thanks for visiting me.

spring offering

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:: i have always loved his hands

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i’ve been eating like crap

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:: i’ll eat better in spring

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by the quince

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pink

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and you want

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wish it

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you lookin’ at me?

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tastes like spring

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:: issue twelve: this joy+ride with molly wizenberg (be ready for pretty)

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i just can’t get enough

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:: hope your weekend’s full of blue stuff

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up in there

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uh huh

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:: yep, that’s a little bit of springtime.

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she and her

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:: not today, but the other day as well: a walk with a friend to see owl

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just birding in the rain

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:: wish this was today instead of the other day

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heaven

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:: friend. coffee. cookies. LOST.

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seven tiny

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:: make the tiny seven bigger

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rainy drive

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i want to go to there

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turtleneck weather

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:: issue eleven: this joy+ride (cozy up with molly’s pretty poetry)

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heart

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beach trip 09: pretty

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beach trip 09: being there

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beach trip 09: going

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:: mostly from lakeville road, which i adore

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beach trip 09: back

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:: back and this week, pretty pics from the trip

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big blue

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:: happy weekend. hope you get some blue sky.

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shower

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painted trunks

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:: more from my favorite orchard

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fruit stand

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green tea + blood oranges

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:: issue 10: this joy+ride

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wind can fly kites

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snow perv

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:: sharing this, i think i just lost my G rating

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sledtimes

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tree forest + snow

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:: tree forest minus snow

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boathouses in winter

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deer in the woods

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:: this week, pretties from our snowy weekend trip

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makin’ like a tree

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:: and leave-in’. have a pretty weekend.

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simple gifts

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:: i now prefer to replay this memory to this: air and simple gifts

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cluck

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:: by far, our oddest spotting at the bird reserve

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ready, mr. president

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:: let’s go to work.

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if leo had a dream

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:: it would be that old celie cat would start taking naps with him
:: here’s to realizing big dreams on MLK day.

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bird truck

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:: new pretty pretty issue: this joy+ride

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aquarium

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:: california academy of sciences

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galapagos finches

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:: california academy of sciences

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ladybugs

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:: california academy of sciences

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lady in orange

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:: orange coat, orange skirt, orange socks, orange you lovely, my dear!

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let go

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look up

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six

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:: if he’s six, i must be…the super-lucky mom of a six-year old *sigh*

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solo cup

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fly birds

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:: i really want to move into an anthropologie store

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bare

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a new day

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:: a new year (and soon, a new president!)

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happy new year

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:: thank you for making 2008 so pretty, friends

:: issue eight: this joy+ride, featuring ed!

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